My mother died 12 years ago on June 27 2005. She had cancer for many years and her body and lungs finally succumbed to the chemo and the cancer that was equally ravaging her body.

You could say that I was very close to my mother. We saw each other pretty much every day and spoke to each other several times a day. I think it is more accurate though to say that she was reliant on me. I loved her with all my heart don’t get me wrong. It was just hard to tell who was the mother and who was the daughter at times. I had three small children at the time ages 10, 5, and 4. She would call me and ask me to go pick her up a cappuccino and bring it over to her. I know that she was just just lonely and wanted mine and the kids company but it was hard for her to understand at times how much I had to do at my own house. As well as how difficult it was to get two young boys in and out of a car especially to buy coffee. Although, I do long for a trip such as that now. I have not forgotten how difficult it was or how much she drove me crazy but I do really miss her in general.

I feel good about how I remember my mother. I feel that I am able to be real in my memory of her. I don’t feel guilty for being angry about certain things that she did. I still loved her but she made me angry sometimes. I think that is freeing in someways. Some people seem to think that if you remember or talk about the “bad” things you are being disrespectful in some way to that person. I disagree! If I died today, I would want my kids, or people in general,  to remember and talk about the good and the bad. It can be very therapeutic.


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